The Flippers and Floppers of the Old Guv.

4157332852_3fef005709
Flippin’ and Floppin’ were swear words used by our Salvation Army workmates.
The two main users of these weak as piss swear words were Bert Cotton and the late Ivan (Frecklehead) Merrett.
Allan (Porky) Dell, Trevor (Mr. Nice Guy) Roberts and Steve Jones (Monocaster) would also use these words freely when they had the shits on with the comps.
The big question is what word did flippin’ replace and what word was floppin’ replacing?
I often wondered what a Salvation Army service would be like if they all got angry or all holy and started calling each other flippin’ and floppin’ idiots.
Can’t you just imagine Ivan Merrett telling Bert, “I say Bert, you really are a big flippin’ dobber.”
Then Bert would reply, “Ivan, go and get flopped!”
I wonder if the Salvation Army still uses these words today?
Warren

The Toff Strikes Again.

splash

Some years ago The Toff callously inundated the late unsuspecting Bob Miller with a Tsunami of filthy, putrid water by deliberately driving his expensive Jaguar through a large pool of rain water outside the Rex Hotel.
Since then that evil bastard Toff has been looking for another victim.
He settled on Brian “Grubby” Hartshorne, with whom he had a long feud spanning some 50 years.
All over a bunch of bloody leaves, would you believe.
Anyway, we have a mind boggling graphic image from the day of the vicious incident where Riley the Toff finally settled up on his mate Grubby! (see above).
Shocking isn’t it? What a Bastard is the Toff.

The Day the Car Pool nearly Died.

800px-morris_mini-minor_19673-scaled500
This Tale is about the night I saved the lives of Chris Smith, Trevor Smart and Ian Bailey.
And, myself of course.
The four of us had a little green mini-minor that we car pooled to work. Trevor normally drove to work and I usually drove home.
Ian Bailey was quite content to sit in the back staring blankly out of the window, Chris Smith sat next to Ian rubbishing everyone he could think of, but especially Ashley Williams, Russell Wight and Rod Parham.
Trevor would tell anyone who would listen about the wackas and gossip that came out of the front office that day.
He banged on boring everyone shitless!
I would drive ever watchful of the road ahead. But with Chris and Trevor droning on in the background it was difficult to concentrate.
I would not put shit on any person and would not back-stab any of my workmates all of whom I held in the highest regard.
We were at the top of Marion Road waiting to turn right into Main South Road. The lights changed and as I went to turn, suddenly, a car flew in front of us cutting across our path.
I calmly pulled the wheel neatly avoiding a fatal accident.
But we were now heading up Flagstaff Hill Road.
After our near death experience, everyone patted me on the back.
As we headed up Flagstaff Hill Road, Chris wanted to celebrate by getting on the piss (this was no surprise).
Trevor wanted to buy a X-Lotto Ticket, meanwhile Ian Bailey kept staring blankly out of the window…
Warren.

Fred Preece’s Surf Shop.

I noticed the other day whilst driving down south a Detour sign partly obscuring  a directions sign to Fred Preece’s Surf Shop. I hope that the Detour has helped and not hindered Fred’s surf business.
Brenton ‘Fred’ is the quieter one of the Preece brothers. Both he and brother Darryl ‘Chook’ Preece both worked as Compostors at the Old Guv.

Fred’s business of 14 years sits on the cliffs at Port Noarlunga South looking right over the mid coast surf spots south of Adelaide.
It’s not just a surf fashion store, but a real surf store, offering the whole range of surf hardware, etc. that you may need on the day.
The business prides itself on the sponsorship of local junior talent as well as being a supporter of women’s surfing.
Big Den Grover

Grumpy old Sid Beats the Heat.

When the temperature hovered in the 90s (fahrenheit) grumpy old Sid Ball, one of our English compositors had a sure fire way of getting to sleep on those stinking hot nights.
He would put his sheets in the freezer compartment of his old fridge.
When cold he would quickly put them on his bed hoping to be asleep before they got hot again.
He would also do the same with his shirts freezing them overnight to be worn the next day.
They say Sid came up with this brilliant idea after watching a television commercial from the late 1950s.
Sounds like bullshit to me…
warren

‘Best Buddies.’

 

It is no secret that Don Woolman (Flash) and Brian Hartshorne (Grubby) are Best Buddies.

At a recent Old Guv Luncheon Don agreed to be interviewed by Brian about his time at the Old Guv. 

Grubby – Now Don let me say this, in my opinion you were the best Government Printer we ever had, even better than Les ‘The Bull’ Hawes. Did you enjoy getting the job over the  ‘Mushroom’ ?

Flash – Yes, Brian, I was quite clearly the standout man for the job and it was a real buzz coming back as ‘Top Dog.’

Grubby – Is it true that one of the reasons you left the Old Guv was because you ran down Keith ‘Doctor Cack’ Stevenson with your pushbike in the courtyard?

Flash – Yes, that was one of the reasons. But it was after Stevenson told me that I had a bad attitude and would never make it in the printing trade that I decided to ‘piss off’.

Grubby – Now Don have I ever told you that you were the best Government Printer ever?

Flash – Yes, I believe you have on a number of occasions Brian.

Grubby – Don is it true that you were given a free ticket to the infamous and illegal Cricket Club Games night at the Netley Canteen in 1975?

Flash- Now, you well know Brian that I agreed to this interview only if that that question was never to be asked.

Grubby – Sorry Buddy. Were there any low points of your time as G.P.?

Flash – Yes Buddy, in my first two weeks I survived a poisoning attempt by Bert Cotton..

Then the Public Service employed a chap called ‘Ankles’ from Perth as our new Production Manager. This bloke had a shocking memory and a habit of telling porky pies. His employment application was a fabrication and then when he was supposed to be representing the Guv at the Drupa print conference in Germany he ended up enjoying a tax payer funded holiday in Paris. 

Grubby – I’m just so sorry to hear that Don. But you were still the best Government Printer ever. Have I ever told you that buddy?

Flash – For fuck’s sake Grubs, yes you have. Now, could you kindly ‘piss off’?

Grubby