“I flipped the flop out of that flippin watch!”

willy-scaled500Jimmy Donaldson (Carpo, Salvo and Scotsman) told me this story.
He was working at another factory when a Time and Motion Study Man came into his workshop.
He told Jim he would time him with his Stop Watch as he went about his work.
“Will ye now”, said Jim in his broad scottish accent. “I’ll tell ye what we’ll do!”
“You put your watch on my work-bench and when I’m ready you can start timing.”
The Time and Motion Man did as he was told while Jim prepared his next job.
When Jim was ready the Time and Motion Man started the Stop watch.
Jimmy then walked up to the Bench, hammer in hand and proceeded to smash the Stop watch to bits.
“Now Flip Off out of here and take that Floppin’ watch with you,” chuckled Jim.
Jim never told me whether he got reprimanded, sacked or had to pay for a new watch.
Being the fiery little Scotsman he was I’m sure he would have resigned rather than buy a new watch!

Sluggo goes Fishin with Ken and the Gunman.

Back in 1972, the effervescent, red-headed pom Ken Davis took Barry “Gunman” Basford and  Greg “Sluggo” Novice fishing at Elliston on the Eyre Peninsula of South Australia.
They intended to fraternise with the Abalone Divers off Elliston and imbibe the local piss (Southwark), do a bit of surfing and let the “Gunman” roam free.
But not long after arriving Kenny started acting strangely. The local head copper who looked a little like “Chips” Rafferty had said “Gudday” to the boys and from that time on Kenny would run and hide everytime he saw the Police Ute.
Why was he hiding, only the “Gunman” knew! He wasn’t sayin’.
Meanwhile, Sluggo was living his normal life, big noting about how he was going to make the Norwood ‘A’ Side if only his mate John “Rags” Elsdon made the Bays ‘A’ side. But let’s face it they were both losers!
At night they would drink with the hard as nails Abalone divers and Ken would entertain the local “Cockies”.
The farmers, of course had little humour and when Kenny complained about the rain at Elliston he nearly created a riot in the Front bar.
So, the next night he went back and told the astonished “Cockies” that his favourite meal was Baked Rabbit and Vegies.
To like baked bunny was heresy in the Bush and so they stopped talking to the boys.
So the lads saw out their time at Elliston surfing and fishing off the beach. They did real well too!
Ken would leave early in the morning on his tredley to have a surf, always heavily disguised (see above). Only the “Gunman” knew why and he wasn’t sayin’.


Friends after 52 years.

 A ridiculous dispute over Alex Riley not sweeping up some flame tree leaves off the pavement outside the Old Government Printing Office in King William Road some 52 years ago has been finally settled.

On the one hand we had a snotty nosed apprentice (Alex) claiming that Brian (Grubby) Hartshorne (Senior Apprentice) had set him up by scattering flame tree leaves on the pavement after Alex had supposedly cleaned them up.
Alex got into trouble with the Government Printer, Les (The Bull) Hawes who had screamed at Alex and accused him of being an incompetent lazy idiot and what’s more a Liar.

Grubby Hartshorne denied any involvement in the flame tree incident and continued to do so for the next 50 years.
This incident has given Alex thousands of sleepless nights whilst Grubby has gone on blissfully unaware of the pain he may or may not have inflicted on the now 70 year old Toff.
And then after over 50 years of cowardly silence and inaction Alex finally fronted Brian at an Old Guv Legends Luncheon.
Brian being the happy go lucky bloke that he is finally owned up about his guilt, by saying. YES, I DID IT!
So the two aging men finally shook hands.
Oh, What a Lovely Little Boring Story about a bruised Ego.

“Kick it to me Rags.”

Above: Our Russell’s favourite footy player from the good old days of West Torrens – Lindsay Head.
When I was 16, the Government Printer boys played another Printing Shop (possibly E. S. Wigg and Son) at Aussie Footy.
The match was held at National Park, Belair.
I didn’t have a car or driver’s licence back then, so Russell Wight was kind enough to give me a lift to the game.
When we arrived John Buckby was picking the Team. His Star Player was John Elsdon in the Centre.
Russell was in the forward lines wearing the magical number 17 Lindsay Head jersey.
I was up forward too ,just wandering around.
During the game Elsdon burst out of the centre bouncing the ball on a run up to the forward lines.
Russell was on his own up in the Goal Square. He was screaming out for the Ball.
I yelled out, “Kick it to Russell, Rags!”
“Fuck Him”, shouted Elsdon and with that he kicked a goal from about 50 metres out!
In the car, all the Way home, Russell kept repeating “That Goal Hungry Bastard.” “He should have passed it to me!” “He should have passed it to me!”
On the Monday at work he was still mumbling, “He should have passed it to me!’ “He should have passed it to me!”

Is the Toff a Crook or a Bullshit Artist?


Photo: The late Harry “The Horse” Kinder (left) warned me many years ago about what a bastard Alex “The Toff” Riley (right) could be.
Is The Toff a Bomb Maker, Vandal, or peeping tom or simply just a bullshit artist?
THE story begins on a visit to the Adelaide Airport when The Toff was pulled aside and asked if he had any objection to being tested for bomb making residue on his clothing.
The Toff sarcastically replied that he was a 90 year old retired “Planner in Charge” who had lost the use of his hands in Vietnam and had not made any bombs that week.
The security guy went ballistic and said that he could have him frog marched out of the airport and made to appear in court the next day.
The Toff clamped up and offered only one word answers from then on.
Well f**k me, then it happened again.
The very next time The Toff returned to the airport he was pulled aside and asked the same question again. This time the Toff replied cautiously and said he was a 75 year old pensioner with “disabilities”. The guy said he was only doing his job. The Toff was not amused.
Well f**k me, then this happened.
A couple of years went past and then The Toff received a letter from a Bad Debt agency.
The letter stated how and when was he going to pay the $2,500 fine for the shop window front in the Riverland town of Berri that he tossed a wheelie bin through on New Year’s Eve.
The Toff was shattered as once again he was being accused of something he did not do.
Really? He phoned the agency and said you have the wrong man as he the Toff was a 80 year old pensioner who could not lift an empty wheelie bin, yet alone throw it through a plate glass window.
The Toff said he could prove that he was at Seaton that night at a New Years Eve  Party for geriatrics, some 150kms away. Fortunately the dumb guy agreed and no more was heard.
Well f**k me, and then this happened.
Some bloke left his business card in the letterbox asking the Toff  to call him. This bloke David, said there was a victims of crimes case against the Toff regarding his assault of a woman called Elizabeth.
This time the Toff explained to the bloke that he was a 85 year old pensioner with dementia, a heart problem and had recently undergone brain surgery.
Oh! said the bloke – sorry about that – we will not pursue you anymore.
Well f**k me said The Toff, how many more bastards are using my name out there.

by Anonymous in the Interests of Public Safety!

Dear Editor, “My Confession.”

I have been the victim of a whispering campaign for the past 44 years.
The Fire
I want my old workmates to know that I didn’t start the Fire in the Electricity Area of the Old Government Printing Office way back in 1970.
BUT, I did alert everyone by running through the Machine Room, screaming like a little girly.
The Fire Brigade put out the fire and at the same time filled up the well outside the basement window with water.
Barry Cagney nearly opened the window, which would have seen him flushed away forever.
Longest Serving Shit Boy
I believe that when I was at the Guv I was the longest serving shit boy ever! Forget the Flash, and dirty David Barber.
For two and a half years I worked very hard at becoming a great shitboy which meant a lot of arse kissing, crawling and never saying “NO!”
I became so famous that people came from all over the world to study me.
Luckily, they never gave me a Spelling Test.
Several times I was asked to be a Guest Lecturer at Adelaide University lecturing on the subject of “What makes a Perfect Shitboy”.
So, it broke my heart that I was wrongly accused of being an arsonist.
The vicious whispering campaign started back then and has haunted me for 44 years.
I do hope you publish this article so people can know the Real Truth.