‘Best Buddies.’

 

It is no secret that Don Woolman (Flash) and Brian Hartshorne (Grubby) are Best Buddies.

At a recent Old Guv Luncheon Don agreed to be interviewed by Brian about his time at the Old Guv. 

Grubby – Now Don let me say this, in my opinion you were the best Government Printer we ever had, even better than Les ‘The Bull’ Hawes. Did you enjoy getting the job over the  ‘Mushroom’ ?

Flash – Yes, Brian, I was quite clearly the standout man for the job and it was a real buzz coming back as ‘Top Dog.’

Grubby – Is it true that one of the reasons you left the Old Guv was because you ran down Keith ‘Doctor Cack’ Stevenson with your pushbike in the courtyard?

Flash – Yes, that was one of the reasons. But it was after Stevenson told me that I had a bad attitude and would never make it in the printing trade that I decided to ‘piss off’.

Grubby – Now Don have I ever told you that you were the best Government Printer ever?

Flash – Yes, I believe you have on a number of occasions Brian.

Grubby – Don is it true that you were given a free ticket to the infamous and illegal Cricket Club Games night at the Netley Canteen in 1975?

Flash- Now, you well know Brian that I agreed to this interview only if that that question was never to be asked.

Grubby – Sorry Buddy. Were there any low points of your time as G.P.?

Flash – Yes Buddy, in my first two weeks I survived a poisoning attempt by Bert Cotton..

Then the Public Service employed a chap called ‘Ankles’ from Perth as our new Production Manager. This bloke had a shocking memory and a habit of telling porky pies. His employment application was a fabrication and then when he was supposed to be representing the Guv at the Drupa print conference in Germany he ended up enjoying a tax payer funded holiday in Paris. 

Grubby – I’m just so sorry to hear that Don. But you were still the best Government Printer ever. Have I ever told you that buddy?

Flash – For fuck’s sake Grubs, yes you have. Now, could you kindly ‘piss off’?

Grubby

The Old Guv’s Riflemen circa 1960-1980.

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Above Photo: Graham “Sleepy” Mutrie takes aim
If you have read the October 1971 issue of the Old Guv’s “Topical Points” you could be excused for thinking it was a copy of Australia’s “Guns and Ammo”.
At that time rifle shooting was a big thing at the Guv with a number of “elitist” shooting groups all over the building.
But the group that was run out of the “Intertype Room” was the one that everyone fought to get into.
The leader of that pack was our very own Father Christmas, the late Jack Findlay.
People like David Lascelles, and others who could afford the club fee were also members.
Membership was by invitation only, so how did a Binder make the side.
Well, the late Des Brown must have been a good rifle man because he won the Bonython Trophy for being able to shoot a running man at 300 yards.
Brian “Grubby” Hartshorne won the Pat Garrett Trophy for the Best In the Back Shot at 2 yards.
Grubs was brilliant at that, but then he had a good master in Jack Findlay, of course, who won the Clint Eastwood ‘Make My Day’ Trophy for 20 years running.
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Jack Findlay’s mentor was the late Les “The Bull” Hawes, Government Printer. “A nice man” according to our Grubs.
The Bull trained as a urban sniper by practising on an Old Guv “shitboy” known only as “The Toff” as he reluctantly swept up the flame tree leaves on the King William Road footpath outside of the Old Guv.
Then there is the crazy story of the Machine Room Duck Hunters, that’s to come…
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The Sad Life of a ‘Toffy Nosed Git.’

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Photo: The late Harry “The Horse” Kinder (left) warned me many years ago about what a bastard Alex “The Toff” Riley (right) could be.
YOU BE THE JUDGE...
THE first story begins on a visit to the Adelaide Airport when The Toff was pulled aside and asked if he had any objection to being tested for bomb making residue on his clothing.
The Toff sarcastically replied that he was a 90 year old retired “Planner in Charge” who had lost the use of both of his hands in the Korean War and had not made any bombs that week.
The security guy went ballistic and said that he would have him frog marched out of the airport and be made to appear in front of Tony Abbott the very next day.
The Toff clamped up and offered up only one word answers from then on.
Luckily the State Governor put in a good word for Alex and he walked free.
Well f**k me, then it happened again.
The very next time The Toff returned to the airport he was pulled aside and asked the very same question again.
This time the Toff replied cautiously and said he was now a 75 year old pensioner with “disabilities” and had fought in Vietnam.
The security guy apologised and said he was only doing his job. The Toff was not amused and muttered under his breath “moron” as he walked away.
Well f**k me, then this happened.
Some months went past and then The Toff received a letter from a Bad Debt agency.
The letter demanded how and when was he going to pay the $2,500 fine for the shop window front in the Riverland town of Berri that he tossed a wheelie bin through on New Year’s Eve.
The Toff was shattered as once again he was being accused of something he did not do.
Really? He phoned the agency and said you have the wrong man as he the Toff was a 80 year old pensioner who could not lift an empty wheelie bin, yet alone throw it through a plate glass window.
The Toff said he could prove that he was at Seaton that night at a New Years Eve  Party for geriatrics, some 150kms away. Fortunately the dumb guy agreed and no more was heard.
Well f**k me, and then this happened.
Some bloke left his business card in the Toff’s “letterbox asking the Toff  to call him. This bloke David, said there was a “victims of crimes” case against the Toff regarding his assault on a woman called Elizabeth.
This time the Toff explained to the bloke that he was a 85 year old pensioner with dementia, a heart problem and had recently undergone brain surgery.
Oh! said the bloke – sorry about that but a number of people have said they think you look like a sexual predator. 
Well f**k me said The Toff, how many more bastards are using my name out there.
by Anonymous in the Interests of Public Safety!

‘Allan Orrock was Here’

Foo was here” is an Australian graffiti signature of popular culture, especially known for its use during World War I, but also became popular among Australian schoolchildren of post-war generations.
Foo is shown as a bald-headed man (sometimes depicted with a few hairs) peering over a wall (usually with three fingers from each hand appearing to clutch over the wall as well), with the simple inscription “Foo was here”.
When I started working at the Government Printing Office in July, 1973 I worked on the hot metal Bills staff in the comp room.
I was surrounded by a bunch of crazy comps with nicknames like Abo, Rags, Mac, Dago, Sam, Cyril the Clown, Sleepy and Meggsie.But there was a weird thing I kept noticing and it was a little note stuck on the walls, notice boards, toilet doors and tea urn.
On the note there was a drawing of ‘Foo’ (see above) and underneath the words ‘Allan Orrock was Here’ were printed.
Confused, I went off and spoke to the late Warren Pietsch (Abo) and asked who Allan Orrock was. A big mistake. Warren’s reply was, ‘It’s a joke and he’s a make believe person.
Thirty years pass and I went along to the funeral of the late and great Ron Hamence.
After the service we were standing around chatting when a nicely dressed man approached me and introduced himself as Allan Orrock. I rocked back on my feet and said, ‘But you don’t exist’. ‘Bullshit’ was the reply.
Again, I had been hoodwinked by those bastards in the old comp. room. I soon realised that for a ghost Allan was an interesting and intelligent man.
As I understand Allan left the Guv in the 1960s. But, you are getting your chance to meet him at our Luncheon on Friday, 15 November, 2019 at Westies, commencing 12 Noon.
See you then! Rod

“Don’t Cry for Me!”

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Richard Hood (formerly Comp Room and Riverside) is a quiet achiever but “Hoody” nearly missed out on having a great cricketing career!
Richard first started with the UnHappy Valley Cricket Club, which wasn’t a great move. It seemed that he and Best Mate, Chris “The Crow” Smith were not happy there.
Then Richard almost got sucked into playing with Hallett Cove Cricket Club until he found out from the late Warren Pietsch that Hallett Cove were “a mob of argumentative cheats”.
Then Warren took him gently by the hand and led him down to the Reynella Cricket Club where he served with great distinction over a number of years.
He played in their “A” Grade Premiership side in the 1986-1987 Season (see above picture).
Richard is the player on the extreme right kneeling down.
malcolmlindandayoungrichardhood001Left to Right: Malcolm Lind presents a Old Guv Cricket Club Award to Richard Hood.
His career with the Government Printing Office Cricket Club was passable but nothing spectacular!
Always languishing in the shadow of that cricketing giant Russell (Rusty) Wight, he became a little frustrated. But he remained loyal to the side.
But Richard could be a little mean once when given a set of beautiful woollen car seat covers by his adoring mates for his birthday he was heard to say under his breath,
“I would’ve preferred a slab of Beer!”
Then on his next trip to Melbourne with The Old Guv Cricket Club the young man went “feral”.
Hoody got pissed and then in his drunken stupor lost both his wallet and all his money at the “Daily Planet” Disco.
The good natured blokes in the GPO Cricket Club had a whip around for the weepy young penniless batsman.
Soon Richard had more dough in his pocket than when he had left Adelaide with.
With his wallet full of cash he played an absolute “blinder” for the Old Guv cricket side that day!
Original Story by the late Warren Pietsch.

Dave, Rowan and Derry.

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Left to Right:
David Walker, multi skilled printer and part time Archer. Appearance wise David looks like an angel but don’t get sucked in he has a black heart. Oh! and he loves bonsai trees.
Rowan Williams, a polite man was a highly skilled litho printer who had a brother Ashley (the ugly one) who worked in typesetting at the Guv. and
Our final leading light is Mr Derry Lockwood, a hardworking and flamboyant machine assistant who had a very loud voice. I believe he lives in the South-East nowadays.
Photo by Mark Noble.