“Doing Time in Hospital” The Doctors.


I broke my left hip by being a dickhead and ended up in hospital, public, of course.
Where do you start when talking about the Doctors at Flinders Medical Centre.
Do you mention the pack of doctors who would sweep past you every morning smiling and then leave you and be out the door just as you were about to ask your question.
Do you mention the doctor who would feel my left foot and at the same time ask me if I had emptied my bowels that day.
I learnt it was very dangerous to say “No” because then they gave me those huge bloody senna tablets that induced rip roaring and extremely long farts.
If you were lucky there was a No. 2 on the end of it.
I was looked after by an Indian doctor who was always smiling and running off for a second opinion.
But, he was a nice bloke and very polite.
The doctor’s team almost numbered 20 people made up of other unknown doctors, senior nurses, rehab. people and strange hangers on, all who smiled at you, nodding and looking like they knew something about you that you didn’t.
Like amputation of both my legs and my penis thrown in for good measure.
I had heard the horror stories and was becoming very, very, paranoid.

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