Is the Toff a Crook or a Bullshit Artist?


Photo: The late Harry “The Horse” Kinder (left) warned me many years ago about what a bastard Alex “The Toff” Riley (right) could be.
Is The Toff a Bomb Maker, Vandal, or peeping tom or simply just a bullshit artist?
THE story begins on a visit to the Adelaide Airport when The Toff was pulled aside and asked if he had any objection to being tested for bomb making residue on his clothing.
The Toff sarcastically replied that he was a 90 year old retired “Planner in Charge” who had lost the use of his hands in Vietnam and had not made any bombs that week.
The security guy went ballistic and said that he could have him frog marched out of the airport and made to appear in court the next day.
The Toff clamped up and offered only one word answers from then on.
Well f**k me, then it happened again.
The very next time The Toff returned to the airport he was pulled aside and asked the same question again. This time the Toff replied cautiously and said he was a 75 year old pensioner with “disabilities”. The guy said he was only doing his job. The Toff was not amused.
Well f**k me, then this happened.
A couple of years went past and then The Toff received a letter from a Bad Debt agency.
The letter stated how and when was he going to pay the $2,500 fine for the shop window front in the Riverland town of Berri that he tossed a wheelie bin through on New Year’s Eve.
The Toff was shattered as once again he was being accused of something he did not do.
Really? He phoned the agency and said you have the wrong man as he the Toff was a 80 year old pensioner who could not lift an empty wheelie bin, yet alone throw it through a plate glass window.
The Toff said he could prove that he was at Seaton that night at a New Years Eve  Party for geriatrics, some 150kms away. Fortunately the dumb guy agreed and no more was heard.
Well f**k me, and then this happened.
Some bloke left his business card in the letterbox asking the Toff  to call him. This bloke David, said there was a victims of crimes case against the Toff regarding his assault of a woman called Elizabeth.
This time the Toff explained to the bloke that he was a 85 year old pensioner with dementia, a heart problem and had recently undergone brain surgery.
Oh! said the bloke – sorry about that – we will not pursue you anymore.
Well f**k me said The Toff, how many more bastards are using my name out there.

by Anonymous in the Interests of Public Safety!

2 thoughts on “Is the Toff a Crook or a Bullshit Artist?

  1. From The Toff – If I ever get this bastard I will shove a bomb up his bum – toss him into a wheelie bin head first – light the fuse and shove him and the bin through a shop front window

    Liked by 1 person

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