Ron Lahiff.

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Ron Lahiff was a great story teller who could match Yank Hall. He was the only bloke who could say F**k in front off Iris Morgan without her getting offended.
He loved his St Agnes brandy and after Ron passed away the sales and shares plummeted at the distillery. One night after a heavy drinking session he made his way to his Kent Town home via the park lands. Staggering along in the dark he suddenly saw the devil – two red eyes staring at him and blocking his path. Suddenly, he become aware of ten sets of these red devil eyes surrounding him. Ron fell to his knees and pleaded that if he was let go he would give up on the demon drink. The Devil replied with one word ‘moo’. Ron had stumbled into a herd of cows.
Another time Ron and a mate took their kids to the circus and left them there and entered the nearest pub. On arriving home his wife asked where the kids were. Yep! They were still at the circus.
Ron loved motor bikes and kept his at a mate’s place because his old man banned him from having one. One morning Ron was belting down Greenhill Road and decided to chuck a righty at the Bolton Service Station corner. Halfway through the turn he realised he was going to be cleaned up by an oncoming car.
Leaning the bike right over he scraped his ear on the bitumen, lost control and went through the service station cleaning up five pints of oil. The service station charged him for the oil and cleanup, but never asked him if he was injured.
Ron and his next door neighbour were great drinking mates. One night after another heavy session when Ron took his leave he turned left instead of right. In the morning there was no sign of Ron and at 9.30 a.m. in he wandered with his trousers covered up to his knees with mud. Somehow Ron had managed to spend the night in a nearby market garden.
One payday he met Doug Gurney at the Gresham Hotel, not knowing that Doug had got the barman to serve him double brandies. At 1.00 p.m. Ron thought about going back to work but Gurney got him to stay on till 1.30 p.m. Leaving the pub they crossed the lights and headed towards the Old Guv. However, Doug turned off and headed off to the Railway Station. Sucked in again, Gurney was on annual leave and had dropped in to pick up his pay.
When Myles Conlon moved house to Campbelltown he would pick up a grateful Ron in the morning to take him into work. One morning Myles slowed down at Ron’s Bus-stop took one  look at Ron gave him the fingers and sped off. A very disillusioned Ron sat down and wondered what he had done to upset Myles in such a manner.
While Ron was thinking about being late for work or taking a sickie  I just happened to pull up and offer him a ride into work. It didn’t take him too long to work out what we had been up to.
With all the Hardships Ron endured in Life – he never once complained.

The Toff

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